That's right...you read the title of this blog correctly! This Mother's Day I am carrying a precious little miracle inside my womb. I remember last spring, when Jamie faced cancer treatment, and we were thrown warnings at a rapid pace by doctor after doctor over several weeks that likely we would not be able to have biological children. This was before we were even engaged, mind you (though Jamie secretly already had the ring!) I remember sitting on his couch with him, reading through the papers, doing research online, with tears in our eyes, and Jamie just looked at me and said, "We need to pray. God has a plan for our future family. Let's dedicate our children to Him, whether biological, adopted, or whatever God has planned." So we did pray together that day, and we laid all our worries, all the messages from the world, all the questions we had before the throne of God. Then we just kept walking through our journey of chemo, wedding, and marriage without looking back, with peace in our hearts that no matter what, God had a plan.
Little did we imagine that 6 months into marriage we would be blessed with a tiny life inside me! Doctors told us that the first two years of marriage...having children was an impossibility. And the years after that would be questionable. Well, God is the God of the impossible!! His Word tells us time and time again that the Lord can do anything, and all things are possible with God, through faith.
"But Jesus looked at them and said,
'With man this is impossible,
but with God all things are possible."
"For nothing will be impossible with God."
"And Jesus said to him, 'If you can!
All things are possible for the one who believes."
"But he said, 'What is impossible with man is possible with God.'"
This baby is such a phenomenal surprise gift from the Lord. He didn't need to bless us with this child. We decided that no matter what God chose for us, we would be willing and grateful for His plan for our family. It was not an easy moment that day when we prayed together, but it was an incredibly beautiful moment, because our faith was united and we surrendered this thing so dear to our hearts to Jesus. We knew He absolutely could give us biological children someday, but we just didn't know if that would be in the Lord's plans for us. Our Heavenly Father knows what is best, and His love for His children is beyond what we can imagine. Jamie and I are two people who have invested much of our hearts and lives into children and ministries that serve children, and we knew that no matter what, children would be a part of our lives. We love adoption, because it is such a picture of how each of us is adopted into the family of God. We have talked about the possibility of adopting since our dating days (before we ever knew about the cancer hurdle)- if that were something the Lord would lead us to do. We believe that children are a heritage and wonderful gift from the Lord, whether adopted, sponsored, fostered, mentored, or biological.
"Whatever is good and perfect is a gift
coming down to us from God our Father,
who created all the lights in the heavens.
He never changes or casts a shifting shadow."
"For the LORD God is a sun and shield;
The LORD bestows grace and favor and honor;
No good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly."
"And we know that God causes everything
to work together for the good of those who love God
and are called according to His purpose."
The previous verses all came to mind as I wrote this. Looking back on this year's journey, we just had to keep walking by faith and not worry about tomorrow. We had to trust that our Sovereign God is good, no matter what. We had to believe in His plan, not our own plans. We had to wait with patience and faith daily, in prayer. Now we are overcome with inexplicable joy over the amazing gift God has given us, and we cannot wait to meet our little baby, who is due between the Thanksgiving holiday and Advent season this year!
Carrying this child in my womb has made my heart more sensitive to others' stories... I think of women and men, mothers and fathers around the world...Couples who have struggled with infertility, crying out to God for months and years, asking for a child. Other couples waiting year after year for an adoption to go through. Mothers and fathers who have lost children. Parents who have experienced miscarriage. And on Mother's Day, I especially think of those children who have lost their moms. I remember my own precious Grannie and Grandmom who are gone from this world and are home with the Lord, and how they were such anchors for our family, such strong women with beautiful lives. Oh how I wish they could meet our little baby. I realize that while Jamie and I experience this incredible joy this Mother's Day, there are many who are mourning, who are pleading with the Lord, who are carrying hearts so heavy. If it is your story I speak of, my heart goes out, and I say this prayer over you:
"The LORD bless you and keep you;
The LORD make His face to shine upon you and be gracious to you;
The LORD lift up His countenance upon you and give you peace."
Whatever your story is right now- if you're a child missing your mother, or a mother longing for a child or mourning a loss, or just a lonely soul, I say- your story matters. Your Heavenly Father's love for you will not abandon you or leave you. I challenge you to hold onto the promises of God's Word which I just quoted. These promises are TRUE and EVERLASTING. Sometimes the hardest thing in life is experiencing pain when others are experiencing joy, and it feels like no one understands what you are going through. Even if no one does, the Lord, our Comforter understands perfectly.
"You keep track of all my sorrows.
You have collected all my tears in your bottle.
You have recorded each one in your book."
Your tears and pain will never go unnoticed in the eyes of your Heavenly Father. You can be sure that He is with you on the journey, picking you up and wiping your bruises and healing your scars each time you get scraped on the way. He longs to cradle you with compassion, and to show you hope on the horizon.
"The faithful love of the LORD never ends.
His mercies never cease.
Great is His faithfulness;
His mercies begin afresh each morning."
As Jamie and I sojourn these 9 months of expectancy, our hearts praise the Lord! Big miracles sometimes come in little packages!